The penis trauma, extract, book 2, travelling, part 2

The penis trauma

book 2, travelling, flight to Beijing, extract

This extract is preluded by Notes on domestic violence and it’s recommended to read it first >

About an hour later, Alice felt a rush of excitement. 
Could this be an explanation? Of sorts?
She had to talk to someone. But who? Who would be open enough to even think about this? 
Alice stared at the screen in front of her, then back at the notepad she had been scribbling on.
Leo. Of course. Leo.
Alice picked up the headset, connected her phone to the secure line, and dialled Leo’s number. The phone rang five or six times before a tired voice answered: ‘Alice? Are you okay?’
‘Oh, bloody hell. I forgot to look up the time. Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you up. And yes, I’m fine. What’s the time in London?’
Leo seemed to be turning in his bed. ‘Half past one. Only just dropped off. No problem. What’s so important?’ 
‘I could call you back later.’
‘Yeah. No. I can hear that you really want to talk.’
‘Alright. And thanks. Look, I’ll get straight to the point.’
‘Sure,’ Leo said, stifling a yawn.
‘I’ve been thinking about domestic violence, and how it comes about.’
‘OK?’
‘Well, eventually I asked myself a few questions about the male body and in particular about the penis.’
‘What?’ Leo exclaimed, suddenly sounding a lot more awake. ‘How would you even do that? You don’t have a male body, and in particular not a penis.’
‘Yes, I noticed. That’s why I need to talk to someone who has.’
Leo groaned. ‘Alright then.’ 
‘My initial questions were: where do things go wrong between women and men, and what triggers domestic violence? And at some point, I asked myself whether I could rape a woman if I were a man. And I tried to imagine what it would feel like to forcefully penetrate a woman’s vagina.’
‘Alice, that’s sick.’
‘Yes, that’s what I thought. And that made me wonder whether I could understand rape better if I understood more about the penis. So next I tried a more general approach, starting with a boy’s childhood. And I imagined growing up with a penis. As a small kid, I would play with the penis and have fun with peeing around. I mean aiming—’
‘Believe me, I know what you mean.’
‘OK. And then it hit me. A child grows up and is full of life, full of control. It mastered walking, speaking, peeing with good aim, and all that. But then suddenly, a part of the body seems to have a life of its own. And the kid can’t control it. There is the penis, suddenly swelling and standing up. That must be terribly scary.’
‘Well … Sort of strange,’ Leo mumbled. 
‘I tried to imagine it. What if my arm suddenly started to wave of its own accord? And the only way to get rid of the waving was to run ten times around the block. It would scare me no end. And it would frustrate me. How come I can’t control this? How come it happens whether I want it to or not?’
‘Hm …’ Leo murmured. 
‘So I wondered, what if this sudden and repeated lack of control traumatises boys?’
‘Hm.’
‘And what if this trauma is as old as humankind itself, and has impacted the way we think and act today?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘What if early men — I mean as early as prehistoric men — came up with all these ideas and rules about sex as a way of regaining some control? Maybe they demonised the body as evil flesh, and told absurd stories about the dangers of lust, as a way of deflecting from their own struggles, and to hide their irritation and frustration.’
‘Or they made up stories as a way of blaming their lack of control on women?’ Leo said reluctantly, but sounding a bit intrigued.
‘Leo, that’s brilliant! Yes, blame someone else for your troubles. Blame women for the erection, and not your own biological functions. It’s like saying if only there were no women, I wouldn’t have erections.’
‘Hm.’ 
‘And sexual attraction is something most of us do to each other. Only in the case of women, it doesn’t show with something standing up.’
‘I’ve never thought about that,’ Leo remarked. ‘We don’t give women credit for their arousals because it doesn’t show.’
‘That’s a good point.’
‘Hm.’
‘Think about Freud. For all we know, he was so confused about his penis that he declared women were jealous of the men’s penis.’
‘And they aren’t?’
Alice exhaled noisily. ‘They don’t exist. Women are all different. Humans are all different. And how could I possibly know what billions of women want? And how likely is it that they all want the same? I can only speak for myself. The peeing and aiming with a penis is tempting. But the rest? I don’t see any advantage in that. But you see, I can easily describe the vulva-vagina constellation or the penis-testicle constellation in ways that you wouldn’t want to have either — ever. And I could describe them in ways that you’d want both — always. But what’s the good in that? We are better off with coming to terms with the organs we have. Biological mix-ups aside, our organs are our organs. They are fine. They are what they are. They do what they do. Everything else is bullshit.’
‘Henpoo.’
Alice laughed. ‘Yeah! You know, I sometimes wonder about the moment when apes made this step into humanhood. I mean if you believe in evolution.’
‘I do. Continue.’
‘There must have been some sort of transition period from ape to pre-human to human. And at some point, there must have been some sort of becoming aware of things. Starting to name them, starting to give them a place in their understanding.’
‘You’ve lost me.’
‘Take the moment when the ape sits at the foot of his favourite tree. He enjoys the morning sun and fingers his penis absentmindedly. All is well. And suddenly he starts to wonder about this loose, limp bit. What is it about? I mean, understanding his hands is easy. He uses them to swing from branch to branch. But this? What’s this bit for? About an hour later, our ape has the urge to pee. And for the first time, he becomes aware of the function of his penis. And since he’s happy about his newly gained understanding, he names the little thing. Maybe he called it peenis. And humans simply forgot what the -nis stands for and lost an e.’
Alice could hear Leo chuckle and continued: ‘So for a moment, our transitioning ape is quite happy because something that didn’t make sense earlier, now makes sense. The little bit of hanging flesh is there for the peeing. But then a female ape passes the morning tree, and suddenly the penis stands to attention. And our ape is baffled again. And this might even be the first time, he experiences something like shame because he has no control over the reaction of his penis.’
‘Hm.’
‘This would be troubling enough if our ape were on his own. But he’s part of a group. And a few days ago, he claimed the leadership. He’s a physically strong male. Just the kind of leader, you needed in a primitive culture to survive. And suddenly, our strong ape realises that there’s something he can’t control. But he of all apes can’t be seen as weak or out of control. Not in his position.’
‘Hah,’ Leo uttered. ‘So he gives the loss of control a different story. A story that turns the penis from an uncontrollable entity into a powerful symbol.’
‘Exactly. And maybe that’s the context in which sex competitions originated. The more females I screw, the more powerful my penis will appear.’
‘Hah,’ Leo uttered again. ‘And penis length and potency became such an issue because the penis has to be a symbol of power and strength, even of stamina.’
‘Adds up,’ Alice said.
‘So the other apes—?’
‘Our lead ape makes sure that the other males pick up and reinforce the same storyline.’
‘Hah. And that way, they cover up the fact that the penis isn’t in their control. And the penis becomes a symbol of strength behind which they can hide their embarrassment.’ 
‘I like the imagery,’ Alice said, making a note. ‘And maybe the ape rebelled against the loss of control by insisting on being a master.’
‘So a lot of male behaviour might just be a coping mechanism for something that came as a shock in our youth?’
‘It seems to add up. And lack of control makes people angry, and they lash out.’
‘There’s your connection to domestic violence. Hah. So you’re saying, we live in a violent male dominated world because men can’t handle their penis’ wishes?’
‘You tell me.’
‘I’m pretty sure I don’t like it,’ Leo said. ‘But. The penis just has a life of his own, kind of, a bit, sometimes, I mean …’
‘A good point, you probably didn’t want to make. The male made the penis into something that has a mind of its own. And here’s the clever bit: by personifying the penis, you make the penis into something that has control. It’s you and your penis. And the penis knows what it wants. But at the end of the day, it’s your penis, so in a roundabout way—’
‘I’m still in control.’
‘Yes. There’s only one catch.’
‘I’m glad it’s only one,’ Leo muttered.
‘By giving the penis a mind of its own, you sort of give it the right to penetrate whatever it wants.’
‘And it’s no longer my responsibility because it’s only my penis when it suits me.’
‘Yes.’
Leo sighed. ‘OK. Let’s say there’s something to this theory, that the lack of control over our sexuality screws with us. What would we do about it?’
‘Explain. Prepare the kids. Tell them that all our inner organs have a life of their own. We can treat ourselves well, but we can’t actually control our heart, colon, bladder or  blood vessels. They all do a lot of moving and contracting without our conscious input, let alone consent. I mean, who wants to fart? And you don’t give your colon a nickname, or talk about it in the third person. Now, the penis isn’t any different, except it’s on the outside. And here the scary thing happens. One day, you’ll see a body part which will move of its own accord, just like your inner organs. But this organ is on the outside. You can see it and most importantly it needs your help because it can only release sperm if you rub it. Though that’s probably not necessary. But explain to the kid that this isn’t about sex. That’s just a natural cycle. No man has to have sex, but every man has to get sperm out of his system to make room for the new sperm, I guess. Think about the female egg.’
‘Ovum.’
‘Egg is simpler. Now imagine a single egg, waiting for thirty years or more to be fertilised. And you see my point. It can’t wait that long. Everything in our body, though I’m not sure about the bones, but say, a lot of things in our body are constantly renewing themselves: hair, skin cells, fingernails, toenails … There’s a lot going on, all the time. So it’s no surprise that the egg follows a cycle as well, and that the ready egg is pushed out. And the same goes for the ready sperm. Now, if I know that, then even bleeding — though unappetising — isn’t quite as upsetting. It’s just the body in its constant renewal. Think of earwax, pimples or bogies. The body constantly produces stuff and pushes it out.’
‘OK. But how does any of this help the boy?’ Leo asked.   
‘Demystify what’s happening,’ Alice replied. ‘Make clear that you don’t have to be ashamed or scared of your penis’ functions. And don’t make it about reproduction. It can be used for that, but it doesn’t have to. At least not in our time. I don’t know whether that’s possible, but separate the sperm cycle from having sex. The one needs to be dealt with on a frequent basis, like women have to deal with bleeding frequently. The other is something that can happen. If you let boys grow up with the believe that they have to have sex because that’s what their penis tells them, or because it’s a manly thing to do, then you get a lot of terrible bullshit. Instead tell kids how the body works. And yes, they can explore themselves, but that doesn’t have to turn into a secret obsession or a competition or a need for porn or something where the lack of control needs to be compensated with an insistence on control over others. And tell them, they really don’t have to constantly play with their genitals. Genitals are cool, but life has a lot more to offer. Make sex and masturbation into something that can happen but doesn’t have to.’   
‘Hm. What if the boy asks, why he gets an erection when he sees a girl?’
‘You tell the boy, it’s simply an information the body gives him: “See that girl? When you’re both ready, I’m too.” Or something like that.’
‘Is that why women get aroused? The body telling them it’s ready to have sex?’
‘I guess so. And when I have sex there’s a moment when my body demands to have the penis inside. It’s an urge that comes up. And if you think about it, that’s actually practical. How else would our early apes have known what to do? But maybe women and men also get aroused so that they start a bonding process. I mean, we are physical beings. We bond through physical contact. Physical contact can tell us that we’re accepted, liked, that we belong. Sex is part of that. And maybe the physical and emotional bond is especially important for humans because it takes so much longer to bring up human children. Think about most other animals. Hardly any time passes between giving birth and the offspring leaving. But human parents face years of looking after their children. So the stronger the bond between the parents, the better for all concerned.’
They were silent for a moment, then Alice said: ‘Maybe learning how our body works should come first in school. We can teach about the body and use that to teach reading and maths as well. Kids are very receptive. They ask why. Why do I see, smell, speak, pee, poo? Why do we fall ill? I mean do you actually know why the nose starts to run when you get a cold? And ideally, teaching about the body results in: “Wow! The body is great. I don’t need to be afraid. It’s mine. It’s fine. Tell me how to look after it in the best possible way.” And add something like: “Our bodies are unique and any kind of competition about the body is simply stupid.” Also “the penis or the vulva are part of our body not some alien co-host.” And “no one has a right to harm your genitals. Because your genitals are good, and no part of them needs to be cut away.” And, “yes, you can harm people with your body, and that’s how to avoid doing harm.”’
‘Not bad,’ Leo remarked. ‘But here’s something I remember from my childhood. Even I noticed that girls looked different. I mean early on. And I was sort of afraid of girls.’
‘Hm. Hm. I don’t remember that.’
‘That what?’
‘Whether boys felt different. Or whether boys’ physical difference bothered me. As long as I remember, I liked boys better than girls. But I think that was only because I loved adventures, and boys seemed to be more likely to have them. I mean, there were a few girls you could have adventures with but— Oh, hell, I must have believed in that soft silly girls narrative as well.’
‘Did the silly girls scare you?’
Alice chuckled. ‘No. I don’t think anyone scared me. Or let’s say, I was determined not to be scared by anyone. But Leo, did it really trouble you that girls looked different?’
‘I think so, a bit. Or more that I looked different. Like something about me wasn’t quite right or normal. There were girls who laughed about my penis when I was small. And later, I was sort of relieved when I realised that I preferred boys. At least my lover’s body is like mine. And I didn’t have to be scared of the girls any more, or worry what to do with their bodies.’
‘Hm. You known, it might be good to interrupt school and give teenagers one or two years off so they can deal with puberty, with the changes in their bodies and minds.’
‘You’re not serious.’
‘Actually, I am. A few years ago, I met some kind of physical therapist. I was so overworked, I couldn’t work any more. He helped me a lot, but I was impatient about my slow recovery, and then the therapist said: “Do you remember how long it took you to learn how to walk or how to talk? And how much sleep you needed to process all the things you were learning? And now your body needs time to untense and balance again.” And he was right. It took years to learn to walk and talk, and quite a bit of time to untense. And after walking and talking, puberty is the most enormous change in a human’s body and mind. Why not give this transition period proper time too? Why force the teens to do and learn things which are irrelevant to what they are going through?’
‘But what would they do?’
‘No idea. But I’m sure our psychologists can come up with something. I guess, an individual approach would be best. And we could outline some sort of categories as orientation. Like, it’s OK if you have times where you sleep a lot, or where you just hang out with your friends, or where you cocoon yourself in. Or take time to focus on your eating habits, learn to cook. Learn to look after the place you live in, maybe even build your own place. Or have times where you exercise more and learn more about your body, learn how to look after it. And take time to think and read — even if that means three sleepless nights in a row. And learn to be on your own and without external stimuli. It can feel scary, but it’s actually a good thing, a relaxing thing, a thing to discover who you are and what you need. And no, that’s not about becoming a selfish. In fact, being fine with yourself is the best basis for opening up to the thoughts of others. And it might be good to add the occasional communal work, be part of a project. Something that has meaning and shows you that your contribution is worth something. That’s the sort of experience you need around that age — actually not just around that age.’
‘It sounds …’ Leo sighed. ‘It actually sounds sensible.’ 
Leo paused for a while. 
Alice didn’t want to interrupt whatever line of thought he was following. She leaned back and closed her eyes, replaying some of their conversation, and occasionally she added a point to her notes.
Maybe ten minutes later, Leo cleared his throat and said: ‘But … er … well … The thing is that as a boy, you realise early that rubbing has an effect. I mean long before you ejaculate for the first time. Long before there’s anything strange. The penis starts feeling early is what I mean. And it sort of feels good.’
‘Yeah, same with girls.’
‘What?’
‘Yeah, I know. It’s still not a truth universally acknowledged that a woman is as easily aroused as a man. Some pleasant rubbing can do wonders.’
‘Sorry.’
‘Leo, nothing to be sorry about. It amazes me too. I mean from the other side of the looking glass. How did men ever come to believe that women aren’t as easily aroused as men?’
‘I bet you have a few theories?’
‘The most likely is that these men were lousy lovers, and women kept them at a pleasant distance by pretending they didn’t like sex. Think about all the arranged marriages, often with big age gaps.’
‘Hah. And these men learned all they knew from prostitutes who had no interest in teaching them how to please a woman?’
‘Good point. And maybe female passion got a bad reputation because of prostitution.’
‘Hah. And women hid their ability to enjoy pleasure because they didn’t want their husbands to mistake them for a whore.’
‘Or maybe financial interests were involved?’ Alice mused.
‘Bargaining with marriage? Making a good match?’
‘Yes. And that can only work if partners are bound to each other exclusively, or else the fortune goes bust. So enjoying multiple relationships or experimenting with sex needed to be discouraged. And so the world was told that no normal woman feels pleasure or gets aroused or fantasises about sex. She only dreams of being an ideal wife.’
‘And of bringing a lot of money into the marriage.’
‘Yeah. And maybe the invention of virginity came into play to give someone’s daughter an extra shine.’
‘Hah. So the rumour that women don’t like sex came about to protect wives from their lousy husbands? And women also abstained from sex to distinguish themselves from whores. And on top of that, passion got a bad reputation to allow for lucrative marriage deals, and to keep husbands from losing their wives?’
Alice chuckled. ‘Or maybe some religious preachers suffered from anxieties. And since these preachers needed order, and sex can be such a nicely messy thing, they painted lust in the devil’s red, declaring female arousal a sin, and effectively teaching women to flee every desire.’
Leo chuckled.
‘The thing I absolutely don’t get is genital mutilation,’ Alice said. ‘Though, maybe some men felt distracted by a woman’s orgasm and wanted the sex to be all about themselves?’
‘Hm. It could have something to do with your earlier point,’ Leo said. ‘That men wanted to make sure a woman stays with her husband.’
‘Take away her pleasure so she’d be too disillusioned to leave?’
‘Hm. Or maybe their early ancestors were afraid. And like you said, they didn’t understand half of what was happening with their bodies, and that’s why they made up stories. Stories by which female ecstasy equalled being obsessed by a demon?’
‘The demonisation of the body,’ Alice murmured.
‘Maybe they didn’t even know how to have good sex,’ Leo said. ‘Cutting away the clitoris is so drastic. I heard that sometimes the vulva is sewn together as well. It’s horrific. Where does something like that come from?’
Alice shook her head. ‘I don’t know. Maybe they had trouble to understand that a woman is as much a human as a man, and not some piece of flesh to wrap up and trade for some extra cash.’
‘Terrible,’ Leo mumbled.
Alice leaned back and closed her eyes. Thinking about genital mutilation always made her feel sick. How did this ever start to happen, and why hadn’t it unhappened yet? Unhappened. She had used that phrase before. Where? Oh, yes. Brazil. Coming back from the favela, entering the five-star hotel. Stark poverty slash glittering world. Another thing that hadn’t unhappened yet. But that was a point, wasn’t it? They had to find the whys in order to come up with the how-to-change-it. They had to find the root causes of what was happing.
‘You know,’ Alice said after another while. ‘What if the Adam and Eve story is a depiction of a penis trauma? The snake is the penis, acting outside the men’s control, and it makes Eve into something dangerous? Something that lures the man into disobedience?’
‘Fits. The man lures himself into sinning. Hm.’
It sounded to Alice as if Leo was getting out of bed, and he mumbled as if he was thinking aloud: ‘We’re not in control.’
‘Ah, but we are. We decide whether to give our fantasies room or not. The only thing that’s set is that the body needs to keep developing new eggs and new sperm and discard blood and sperm in frequent intervals. How we deal with our fantasies and arousals is our decision. Do you want a break?’
‘No. No. I’m fine.’ 
‘OK. So, what do you think?’ Alice asked, trying to interpret the noises in Leo’s background. It sounded like Leo switched on the lights, opened a door and walked along a passage while saying: ‘So you think there’s a connection between a penis trauma and domestic violence? Some men are lashing out because of their accumulated insecurities, and because of the constant reminder that they aren’t as much in control as everyone expects them to be?’
‘Maybe. Or, ever since this bloody penis got a life of its own, a man needs to take every opportunity to show that ultimately, he is in charge? Or, let me try again. Where do things go wrong between women and men? And why? Things go wrong between men and women because there’s too much fuss about the body, and there’s too much shame about our natural bodily functions, and the loss of control has to be compensated with an insistence on control. And most of this happens on a subconscious level. So no one reflects on it. And domestic violence is one way of coping with all this mess, a way to release some of the pressure? Leo, you tell me.’
‘I don’t know. But maybe you’re right. Maybe that early and actually daily experience creates an anxiety that sort of haunts us. And when things in our lives get too much, we strike, we lose it.’
‘Has that happened to you?’
‘No. But I’ve seen it. Has that happened to you?’
‘Do I ever lash out?’
‘Well. But you said that women get as easily aroused as men. Why aren’t they traumatised?’
‘Hm. Because nothing stands up? Because my arousal is easier to hide, so less shame is involved? Or because, it doesn’t register as a loss of control? Not sure. I mean there’s swelling and contracting in the vagina. But I for one, only discovered that recently. It never stuck out, so to speak. And I’m still not sure what to make of it. This pulsating is actually a bit strange, alienating. But nothing ever made me belief there’s a third person involved in my bodily activities. The arousal is all mine. And the utmost it might show is in a blush or a flush or the hardened nipples. But nipples are OK, for some reason. I don’t know why. And speaking for myself, my arousal isn’t this fixated on a single organ. Do I lose control when I have sex? Yeah. But that’s normal, that’s part of the fun. To let go, to lose control, to merge. It doesn’t worry me. And it only happens when I have actual sex. Besides the vagina doesn’t hang around. It’s just there, and I forget about it. But a penis, even when inactive, always hangs around, it always chimes in?’ 
‘Hm. Is there a period trauma?’
‘I don’t know. And I guess that means yes.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘The mind often shuts out traumatic experiences. And I have no memory of my first period. I don’t know when it happened or how, or how much I knew about it at that point. Mind you, it could also be so untraumatic that my brain dismissed it as irrelevant.’
‘No memory?’
‘None whatsoever. All I know is that I never liked it. But then, who would like blood sliming out of their body, belly cramps, or the occasional headache?’
‘And mood swings.’
Alice laughed. ‘Never noticed those.’
‘Hm.’
‘And maybe mood swings are a myth.’
‘Er?’
‘Well, think about it: you’re in pain, dripping with blood, you belly feels all wrong, and your partner is his jolly joking self. How would you react?’
‘Hm.’
‘Now let that happen on a frequent basis—’
‘And you have something like the loss of control with the penis. Only different.’
‘Yeah, a regular occurrence that pisses you off. And about half of the population doesn’t get what it’s like or what it’s about.’
‘Blimey, why does that make sense?’
Alice was quiet for a moment, trying to catch a thought. And then she said slowly: ‘You know, what if the more unrelaxed way some women run or move could be traced back to the experience of pain, and maybe even some shame, during the periods? After all, the period makes me want to curl up, protect myself. And afterwards I kind of have to unfold and relax again. Maybe we could find some exercises for girls and women that make it easier to relax and move more freely again, after the period. Be at ease with the body once the pain is gone.’
‘That’s one of those: half-the-population-doesn’t-get-what-it’s-like-or-about moments, isn’t it?’
Alice chuckled. ‘It is. You know, one thing always puzzles me, though. During the period, my libido usually skyrockets, and that doesn’t seem to make sense. Why would my body want to have a lot of sex when the egg isn’t ready to be fertilised? But maybe the body needs some of the swelling and contracting to get the blood out?’
‘Hm.’
‘Saying that. The period has troubled people for millennia. In the old testament, you find instructions that women have to leave camp during their period because they were regarded as impure. And I actually read that this is still practised today. I just don’t remember where. And that brings me back to the apes. The female apes must have wondered what all that blood is about. Maybe the female apes went into hiding whenever it happened. And I wonder how the apes started to make sense of sexuality, of blood, penises, sperm, breasts — babies even? If I didn’t know a thing about the body, bleeding massively would scare me no end. And maybe these early thinkers came up with ideas, out of fear, irritation and puzzlement, which we haven’t fully rethought or untangled yet.’ 
Leo was silent. Alice heard that he opened a tap and let water run into a glass. Then she could hear his gulps. And then he gasped. ‘Alice,’ he said with panic in his voice. ‘You have to stay out of this.’
‘But Leo, this could be important.’
‘No! Yes, it could be. And that’s why you — a woman — have to stay out of it. If you want this theory to get the attention it might deserve, and if you don’t want to repel men from giving it a thought, then this is a matter men should deal with on their own.’
‘But—’
‘You can’t possibly know what it feels like when a penis starts to have his own way.’
‘Wrong, a boy gets accustomed to his penis, so he can’t know what it’s like not to have one. But I can understand how weird it would be if my boobs suddenly started to expand whenever I sense a sexy man in the room.’
Leo inhaled. ‘Look, I promise I’ll set up a research team for this. But for now, you need to stay out of this.’
‘Hm.’
Leo sighed. ‘Look, everyone — sort of — appreciates our open approach to nearly everything. But this could be very personal. And the guys on our team are your friends, and you’re their boss. The last thing they want to talk about with you is something very personal, and maybe traumatic, they aren’t even aware of.’
Alice sighed. ‘Alright. I’ll stay out of it. But will you give me an update at times?’
‘I promise.’
‘And you know, it’s all very sketchy so far—’
‘Alice! We’ve covered more than enough. And I’m sure the research team can fill the gaps.’
‘Sorry, sorry, I get it. Oh, just one more thing.’
‘Alice!’
‘Honestly. Just a tiny note. If you need another indication that there might be a penis trauma, just search online for slang words for penis. That’s already very telling. And you can top that by comparing them to slang words for vagina.’

book 2, travelling, part 2

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